We recently borrowed a book from the library entitled "Just Like Mommy". I thought this would be a cute read for both kids, but hesitated after I read the content. In the end we brought it home because Gabe truly seemed to enjoy the repetition of the words "just like Mommy" on every page, but it has been grating on me ever since. On each page there is a drawing of a young girl doing the same things that her mother is doing and goes as follows:
"I have a necklace. I have earrings. Just like Mommy!"
"I have rouge. I have lipstick. Just like Mommy!"
"I have a bracelet. I have nail polish. Just like Mommy!"
"I have socks. I have shoes. Just like Mommy!"
"I have a comb. I have a hairbrush. Just like Mommy!"
"I have curls. I have bows. Just like Mommy!"
"I have a pocketbook. I'm going to work. Just like Mommy!"
I think that this book bothered me so much because almost none of it applies to me. In fact the shoes, socks and hairbrush were the only representative items of me on that list, and even then the "socks" were actually pantyhose and the "shoes" were high heeled ones, neither of which I have worn in ages. And no, I don't even own a pocketbook or wallet, I just throw my money into the sorry excuse for a purse that is hiding in the bottom of the diaper bag.
All this book has really done is make me even more self-conscious about the differences between me and so many other moms I see on a daily basis. After attending a few field trips with Nicki's preschool, I became painfully aware of how I actually look. It's kind of ironic actually, because I don't really have any major issues with my general appearance. I think I'm in pretty good shape and don't really have any complaints about about my body or face or hair etc. But I swear these other moms look like they just walked out of the hair, make-up and wardrobe area of a major motion picture. They always look perfect! And more and more lately I have been wondering how they do it.
I mean seriously. These moms have kids the same age as my kids. How in the world do they find the time to look so perfectly put together? I'm talking perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect nails, perfect outfit. They wear fancy shoes, have fancy jewelery, carry fancy purses. Eddie thinks they must plop their kids in front of the tv while they take the time to primp in the morning or that they must have nannies. As for me well, to be honest I'd rather keep looking like I just rolled out of bed than do that. I shower at night after the kids are in bed. In the morning, I get Gabe dressed and then we all have breakfast as a family. Afterwards Nicki and I get ready together. We get dressed, brush our teeth and hair and wash our faces. Then we go back downstairs and play until it is time to venture out for the day.
So in reality I know in my head that I am making a conscious choice not to take the time to look that way, choosing instead to spend time with my kids rather than make myself "look good", and yet I wind up feeling crummy whenever I'm around these other moms who look so great. Me in my track pants and sneakers, with my ponytail and unmade face, with my too short nails and a diaper bag on my back. I can't help but feel beneath them, like a lower class citizen, like a frump. I wonder sometimes what they must think about me, if they feel sorry for me or even secretly laugh. I wonder sometimes what my husband must think, if he's sad that I don't take the time to "look like a woman", if he'll eventually start to see me as only a "mom" and nothing more. I wonder why I even care about this all of a sudden when it never used to cross my mind before. And then I snap back into reality and get down on the floor to play with my kids some more, knowing that I've made the right choice for me, appearances be damned.
3 comments:
Your husband is right, undoubtedly. Primping takes a lot of time away from the kids and family.
I worked as a teacher before having children. I had decent clothes and always wore makeup and spent twenty-five minutes a day fixing my hair. I also ironed frequently.
Now, the children are everything, and I am less. Much less. I think it takes a mature, secure mother to make this change, and then to really embrace it.
Sometimes I pick one day a week to put on makeup and wear something more appealing, or at least more feminine. Usually, it's Saturday or Sunday, when my husband can play with the kids, and I have a little extra time. My kids appreciate it, strangely enough. My husband does too, especially if a little leg is showing. lol
Feel good about the time spent teaching and nurturing your little ones. They will always remember it, and will be continually blessed through the years.
I can relate to nearly everything you said in this post (except for being in shape!) -- I feel a bit insecure around some of the moms in our neighborhood or at swimming lessons (we rarely go out) because they all are dressed well, made up, expensive haircuts and highlights, expensive bags and shoes... And here I am with my cheap haircut and home dye job gone horribly awry, unpainted nails and face, and sloppy cheap clothes.
I don't want to spend tons of time and money on my appearance. That goes against what I think is right (for me). But I do feel goofy sometimes. Okay, a lot.
I do feel much better if I wear fitted t-shirts and tighter shorts/pants (not skanky, but just not way huge from early postpartum days).
Oh you know what. I go to work and probably one of the least dressed up people at work. And unless I venture into the bathroom forget what I am wearing cause when people deal with me at my desk they deal with the person who does quality work. Now I have a more conservative work attire then I have ever seen Ed wear so they don't escort me out of the building but I keep forgetting to take my sneakers off when I get in and no one seems to notice. At the end of the day I probably will want to dress up for a wedding where it is imperitive you don't take attention away from the wedding couple either by being over or under dressed, but life is too short to be uncomfortable. Plus, I just want to get dressed as fast as I can so I can get the kids to daycare and me to work so I can be home as fast as I can to put on my sweats and play with my kids.
Post a Comment