I was at the park yesterday riding the see-saw with Nicki. A woman and her grandson sat down on the one beside us and said hello. She noticed that I was pregnant, looked at Nicki and then said, "That's the perfect spacing between the two!" While in the past I have found comments like this annoying, these days nothing seems to bug me. I honestly replied, "Actually I have another one in between!" and pointed over to Gabe who was across the park. Her eyes widened and she said "Wow, that's a busy house!" to which I just smiled and laughed.
That conversation got me thinking last night about what the "ideal" spacing of children really is. I suppose it really depends on each individual family, though I can see pros and cons to both having children close together and having them further apart. It would seem that having them spaced further apart would make things easier in the sense that the older child would be more independent by the time the next baby came around. But on the other hand, the kids could be less likely to play together and could quite possibly have very little in common depending on how many years separated them.
There are just over 7 years separating my brother and I, and truth be told, we didn't really play together much. I wished for a younger sibling to play with and was disappointed when my parents decided I was the last child they would be having. When it came time to have my own kids, I thought that a 2 1/2 to 3 year spacing between them would be perfect. As it worked out, there are just under 2 years separating Nicki and Gabe, and Gabe and the new baby will be almost exactly 2 years apart, with only a couple of weeks separating my due date from Gabe's 2nd birthday.
So we ended up having subsequent kids a little sooner after the first than we had originally thought, but so far it has worked out well. Maybe it's because Nicki has always been so mature for her age that the 23 month age gap between her and Gabe has always seemed much wider. I'm more worried this time about how small the gap will be, since Gabe is less verbal than Nicki was at the same age. On the other hand, he is much more independent than she is even now, and he of course has her to play with, so maybe the addition of a new baby will actually be smoother than I think. Only time will tell... I have been told that the third child is actually the easiest one of all, because the constant action of the older two keeps them entertained!
Many people have commented on how close together we decided to have our kids, saying that it must be very difficult. I'm quick to remind them that what works for one family may not work for another, and besides, I know people with 3 kids born even closer together than ours that are doing just great (you know I'm talking about you Grace!)
In the end I guess you adapt and adjust to whatever spacing you choose or whatever hand you are dealt. No one family is better or worse, closer or more distant, calmer or more chaotic than any other. Everyone finds their own rhythm, their own speed, their own flow. I am looking forward to welcoming a new life into this world and into our ever growing family. I know that having 3 very young children will be a mixture of joy and frustration, but I'm up for the challenge!
1 comment:
MY first two are 21.5 months apart; then another 35 months later, and now the fourth will be born about five days short of the third's second birthday. It is chaotic, but so rewarding to see them all such good friends and support for each other! I often wonder if God means this fourth to be for them, more so than for my husband and me. We are older parents and they will need each other as they start having families of their own. The best thing we can do is to foster their love and respect for each other so they feel it important to stay in the same state as adults - it's a long shot, I know, since we've become such a mobile culture.
My sister and brother are practical atheists, and live in Colorado and Oregon, while we're in Ohio. We aren't much support for each other, unfortunately. We think and feel too differently about the world. It would break my heart if that happened to my kids.
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