Ok, so here's my problem: I used to have breasts and now I don't. I'll be totally honest here and admit that they were never "all that" to begin with. Barely filling up and A-cup wasn't exactly going to win me the cover of Playboy or a job at Hooters if you know what I mean. But they were mine and I liked them. We had a sweet deal going; I never complained about their size and they stayed out of my way during volleyball. They also did their job extremely well, nourishing 2 kids for a combined total of nearly 3 years (32 months to be exact, but who's counting right?)
I knew that breastfeeding would take a toll on them, but since they were small at the outset I figured I wouldn't wind up with the common saggy breasts dilemma that plagues so many large-breasted nursing moms. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that they would just disappear completely. I mean really, imagining my breasts any smaller than they already were was pretty much impossible. And yet it happened just the same. Once my breastfeeding relationship with Gabe ended back in December, I was both happy and sad. Sad that this extremely close bonding phase with him was over but happy to be reclaiming my body as my own. Except that there was nothing left to reclaim! I was shocked at what I saw. It must have happened so gradually that I didn't notice, almost like they began a slow retreat saying "Our job is done, we're outta here!"
I'm not sure why this is bothering me so much since it's not like I'm an appearance obsessed diva or anything. I never wear make-up, can't be bothered to do anything more with my hair than throw it in a ponytail, and spend 99% of my existence in track pants. I guess I just never really expected to come away from this experience with less than I started. I supposed I could take the high ground here and say that I will wear my new non-breasts as a badge of honour and a testament to all of the many many many hours spent feeding my babies. But that would be a lie! I'm embarrassed and it sucks. Just what I needed to boost my ego as I turn 30 in a couple of days. Sheesh...
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2 comments:
I'm sorry to hear you're unhappy with them. I personally always thought I'd like a B-cup best, but that has and never will happen (not even when I was 11 or 12). I'm most dissatisfied with being a G-cup when working out - even with 2 sports bras the bouncing is uncomfortable.
I'm just glad pregnancy didn't make my feet any bigger. Finding size 11 is hard enough! :)
Sigh! I can totally relate! That was the up side of the breastfeeding months!
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