A little TLC

I didn't get much sleep last night. Gabe, who usually sleeps through the night without a problem, was up at midnight, 1am and 2am calling for Mommy. I debated going in to him at first, wondering if my arrival and then eventual exit would do more harm then good. But since this was an unusual occurrence for him, I decided that something must really be up. I was then faced with the question of what to do when I went into his room. Our breastfeeding relationship ended last month, so I no longer had that in my back pocket as comfort insurance.

I crept into his room letting only a tiny bit of the hall light shine in. I picked him up out of his crib, held him for a moment and he calmed instantly. I checked his diaper just in case, but all was well. I doubted that teething was the issue since the last of his first set of molars had come in last month and I figured we had a few weeks at least before the next set started wreaking havoc.

I always found it hard to believe that the only thing that could be "wrong" was that my kids needed my presence and physical comfort. To me a baby always needed something more tangible, like milk, a clean diaper or teething relief. It didn't seem possible to me that my mere presence would be enough to soothe all that ails them. I am after all, just me. Sometimes I have to remind myself that in my kids' eyes I am so much more than "just me" - I am a nurturer, a provider, a teacher, a comforter, a helper, a hugger. I'm a mommy. And sometimes being close to me is all that they need.

So I took him over to the rocker where I nursed him a million times as a baby and toddler and just held him close. I rocked back and forth and sang softly to him for a while and then we just sat in silence, enveloped in each other's warmth. He put his head on my shoulder and sucked his thumb a little as his eyelids slowly started to droop. We sat together like that for over a half hour and I swear that time stopped. There was nowhere else in the world that either of us wanted to be. About a half dozen times he looked up at me with sleepy eyes and I gently kissed him on the cheek. He would then close his eyes, smile and put his head back on my shoulder, completely at peace and content. Eventually I eased him back into his crib and crawled back into bed to try and catch a few more hours of sleep before my early riser woke for the day.

As I lay there in bed I thought to myself how few and far between these moments are and how precious they are to me. Both of my kids have only been occasional night-wakers, and while I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of other moms I know who are up 2, 3, 4 times a night with their kids, I am glad for the middle of the night cuddles we have shared. I hope the memories of those times never fade.